and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
