god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want a musical about memes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
