I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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