Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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