well you can't waste a boner
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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