she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize