My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
