Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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