I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
