So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
There's even glitter on my cock...
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