I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
