So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
