Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
