I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
