Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
