Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
