When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
