Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
