do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
