allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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