I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
