I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
