He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize