Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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