Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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