On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
