Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
