Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
