You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize