I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
