She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
