Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
