Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize