i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
