mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
