i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
