hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
