I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
