I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize