I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
