He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize