I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My bed smells like the plague
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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