that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
