He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
