there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
