why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
