Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
