Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
