I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm like, not good at living.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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