she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
