I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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