does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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