Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
