I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
