She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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