you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
