Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
