so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
