There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
