Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
