saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He did a backflip because drugs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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