While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
