I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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