I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
