Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
