if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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