A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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