I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
