dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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