at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
