why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize