I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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