if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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