I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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